Wishful Thinking

Wishful Thinking 

  If you’re in a relationship where every opposing point of view, matter of opinion or simple disagreement, causes absolute chaos with consistency, my suggestion is to stop and re-evaluate your situation.  I think picking and choosing your battles is a good way to live, especially when you’re in a relationship.  Most things just aren’t worth fighting about.  I chose to delve into this philosophy just a little… too late.  I can’t begin to tell you how many memories of arguments I’ve had over the years cross my mind day after day.  At the conclusion of each memory I take the palm of my hand and firmly press it against my forehead repeating the word, “idiot…idiot…idiot!”  So many of the arguments I’ve had over the last nine years and even before then were never worth having; not just in marriage, but with family and friends as well.  Perhaps there are ways to avoid ridiculous arguments that if you let continue on day after day, month after month and year after year could one day swim up and bite your relationship in the ass.

  I believe simple arguments that begin to take place within a long term relationship are almost always littered with resentment from previous battles fought within that relationship that were never completely brought to a conclusion or even a previous relationship that had its own slew of resentment issues.  We all have our scars.  I’m well aware of the fact that disagreements will occur within a relationship.  After all, we’re human.  The only perfect individual on this planet is me.  Subsequently, if you’re “not” me, which there’s a pretty good chance that you are not (THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!), you should take some advice from The Divorced Guy (“That’s me…”-hand slightly raised, slumped over, eyes facing the floor) and work towards diffusing the ticking time bomb of an argument that is specifically positioned between you and your partner, ready to explode.  There are a few ways to go about this.  Let me explain.

  Think of it as The Matrix.  We’ve all seen that movie, haven’t we?  The agent fires the bullets at Neo and amazingly he dodges all but one of the bullets.  See the next impending argument as the same scenario.  The next time you feel your nerves begin to twitch or the feeling of anger begin to churn within you because you know exactly what is about to happen, stop.  Slow things down.  See everything in slow motion.  Dodge the bullets.  Drop your pride and your defenses.  You don’t need either one if you’re dodging the bullets.  You may even have access to a time machine.  Go back in time to when you first met your partner.  Remember the rush you felt when you first pressed your lips against one another’s.  Remember how you felt as you were driving home after dropping her off and your joy was uncontainable as Journey reverberated off of your heart with the words…”Don’t stop believin’!”  Remember the sound of “I do” and the sensation of tears running down your cheek.  Remember the walk on the beach with the backdrop of the most beautiful sunset that neither one of you have seen again since that day.  Remember how the candle light reflected in her eyes, and the uncontrollable urge to reach across the table to touch his hand denied all hesitation.  Remember the time when you were with your friends and you shared a moment of laughter over a joke that was only funny between the two of you.  Everyone else in the group stared at you as though you were the two weirdest people ever to be considered “a couple”.  The list could go on and on.  There are moments in a relationship that happen for a reason.  “They” are your defense against meaningless arguments that build resentment and bring down love, trust and friendship; not your ability to win the argument.  You are “best friends” for goodness sake.  Act like it!  Admittedly, some discussions are needed; neither one of you wants to be a doormat.  But even those situations can be approached with love.  Those same memories will work when you’re coming to an agreement on any particular issue.  Realize that nothing in this world can come between real love and genuine friendship.  So before that next ridiculous argument takes place, put on your trench coat and shades, jump into your time machine and go back to the place where all you cared about in this world was your unconditional love for one another.  Remember the word “unconditional”.  It’s an important one.