English Comp.
Journal #5 – My Greatest Strength
We all go through difficult times in our lives and inevitably it is up to us to walk through the fire on our own. Once we’ve made it through the flames we may be a little worse for the wear, we may have scars and we may be down and out, but never the less, we’re still breathing. If we’re breathing then that means we’ll make it to the next day and you never know what promise the next day may hold. I myself have walked through the flames. I have my scars, but one thing that I never lost, the one thing that pushed me through to the other side was my self determination. Life can easily put all the nails in needed to seal your coffin, but with the power of self determination, there’s nothing that can stop you from overcoming the trials and tribulations of this world.
I’ve recently walked through the fires of divorce. This is something that I never prepared for. I never thought it would happen to me. There was no plan B. When this whole divorce debacle first started I didn’t have the ability to cope. The realization that I wasn’t loved by the person that was every second of every minute of my life was an absolute shock and it literally broke me. I lost all confidence; I had zero motivation and no willingness to see a light at the end of the tunnel. All I had were questions; questions that would never receive a single answer. My only option was acceptance. This is where my self determination came into play.
When your past, present and future goes up in smoke you’re left with the feeling of standing in the middle of a desert with not a soul to talk to and no sense of direction. All I wanted to do was sink into the sand and let it all go. There was just something inside of me that wouldn’t let me do that. I believe it was my self determination. I knew that I needed to have some sort of positive existence for my daughter. She was my motivation and she fueled my determination. There were many times that I felt that I couldn’t do it, that there just wasn’t any hope, but all I had to do was think of her and I was able to push on just a little further.
My self determination brought into view my self confidence and my ability to depend on myself. This is rare. Most people rely on others for motivation, for praise and sometimes the reason for their existence. I had to totally rewire my brain. I didn’t know what I wanted for my life. I decided to focus on something that I had always wanted to do and something that I really enjoyed doing; writing. I enrolled in college with the intent of acquiring all the tools necessary to venture into a career of creative writing. My self determination will play a big role as I move forward through school.
Although I have no idea what my future holds for me, I know that my self determination will get me through anything that comes across my path. Every time I’ve wanted to give up, every time negative thoughts run through my mind; “you can’t do this, it’s all too much, just give in.” there’s that still, small voice right in the center of my chest that says, “you can do this, keep going, never give up”. I have a long road ahead of me and I’m confident that roadblocks are inevitable, but through self determination there’s no hurdle I can’t jump over, no negative I can’t turn into a positive and no impossible that I can’t make possible.
There’s a hill to climb,
though you don’t have to jump
Fight the war in your mind
Force your eyes to look up
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