Dating

What happened to the days of a single man being able to display chivalry?  I have to admit, I’ve been out of the dating game for quite some time.  I’m still learning the ropes; understanding what to say, when to say it or just knowing when I shouldn’t say anything at all.  I tend to say too much too soon, which could possibly be interpreted as blandishment, being immature or maybe even, shall I say it, being desperate.  Honestly, there was a time for that, but that’s done and done.  I just tend to say what’s on my mind (yeah, that’s happening right now).  I have a habit of that.  It can be good, but sometimes not very helpful (that also may be happening right now).  I don’t know that it’ll ever change though.  I’ve been there before; boring, lifeless, loveless, without purpose and basically too much guess work.  I don’t mind a little mystery, but you won’t ever find me climbing a wall built around a person’s heart ever again.  The further you climb, the higher they build the wall.  Some people just like to watch you climb.      

  There are just so many damn rules now, especially when attempting to get to know women that have either been divorced or have been in some type of long term relationship; a relationship that didn’t have a happy ending.  You don’t just meet a chick now, get a phone number, call her up, ask her out on a date and assuming the answer is “yes”; pick her up from her house to take her out for a fun evening.  If you are able to set something up, you can’t even call it a date.  It must now be referred to as a “meet up” or basically any other word in the English language that can be used to describe two people meeting at the same pre-determined location.  Just don’t say the word “DATE”.  People are so afraid that if you say “DATE” it means they are now somehow attached to you and you to them in some committed way; like you’re going to ask them to get matching tattoos to mark the special occasion so that when you’re married with kids one year later, you’ll have something to remember that night by.  At this point I’m beginning to wonder who is actually crazy; the guy that just wants to open the door for a girl or the one with all of the pre-conceived notions.  Moving on….  Now….you have to get the number, perhaps establish a Facebook relationship (in my experience this can sometimes be a good idea), communicate through text messages, which…by the way text messaging has a slew of rules in it self, and then you have to come across as “playing it cool”.  I absolutely suck at “playing it cool”.  I don’t have time for that.  I’m outgoing, I’m social and I like to TALK.  You know….communication (that ole…chestnut.).  I don’t have time to pretend as if I don’t care or as if I have a cool, hidden, reserved personality.  I can meet someone and talk to them as if I’ve known them since I was a kid.  Well guess what….that comes across as creepy.  Two text messages in one day can be considered “attachment”.  Sure, maybe for the guy with duck tape in the trunk of his car and a pit in his basement.  But not for the guy that actually “doesn’t” want you to put the lotion on the skin.  Maybe the guy that isn’t putting lipstick on when he’s at home by himself just thought you were cool and wouldn’t mind buying you dinner; maybe even perhaps displaying a little chivalry throughout the evening.  How do you know that the guy asking to pick you up from your house isn’t a complete psycho?  I didn’t say there weren’t any risks involved in dating, did I?  All joking aside, I think you can tell when you have a weirdo on your hands.  Just be careful to not let pre-conceived notions and overly strict rules be deciding factors.  I think the rest has to be left up to discernment.  Believe me, I understand that people get burned in relationships and certain things that happened, maybe even that happened consistently over a long period of time, can have an effect on someone.  I know all about that.  I’ve probably had that effect on someone and it’s just something you have to let go of.  I’ve been on the receiving end of it too.  All you can do is just forgive and forget.  That almost always takes a very long time and there’s a process to it that everyone must go through.  Things happen in that process that no one other than you will ever know about.  I guess my point is that it seems impossible to start over.  It seems impossible to find that naïve personality that has cleansed itself of its past and is ready for something new.  Maybe it seems impossible because it is impossible.  Maybe that’s why I see a fair amount of divorced guys around my age (29) or older with younger women.  Women that haven’t seen the bad side of a long term relationship tend to be a little more naïve and easier to impress, which isn’t to say anything bad about being young and naïve.  I see it as a good thing.  There may be people much younger than me that are far more mature.  In fact, there probably are.  I’m just saying that’s not what I’m looking for, but for some people, I guess it’s different. I know that’s vague, but I want to refrain from saying anything judgmental or offending (something new I’ve learned), so that’s all I’m going to say.

  I don’t pretend to have the answers for everything and I’m not dumb enough to think that every situation is the same.  I can only speak for myself and as for me; well I don’t have a bad taste in my mouth about a relationship anymore.  Things happen.  People aren’t perfect and inevitably, life goes on.  I see real love and friendship in people everyday.  I know it exist, so I won’t spend the rest of my life being overly cautious and hesitant to make an effort to spend time with someone I think is pretty damn cool.  I go into the situation without any pre-conceived notions; I have no plan and zero expectations.  I can, however, be charged with being a little overzealous.  I’m working on that.  I’d just like to open a few doors, get a laugh and maybe buy some dinner, if you don’t mind.

  So, now that I’ve vented, its true, I do feel better.  I compare learning all the rules of dating to learning all the rules of grammar, which I’m sure by the time you’ve finished reading this you will have found examples of my poor grammar and have also come to the conclusion that I’ve failed at both “dating” and “grammar”.  I digress; I lack the personality to give up on either.  I’ll continue to learn as much as I can.  Its either that or I can continue to write what I consider to be pretty good stuff, littered with not so good grammar and never again experience the chivalric feeling of opening the car door for a, dare I say it, “date”.  Nevertheless, I am putting my foot down.  I refuse to play by the rules.  Somebody has to be different.  Somebody has to bring back chivalry.  I’m tired of Facebooking and I’m tired texting.  Waiting; well that I don’t mind.  Patience is a virtue I suppose.  I’m just an excited person.  I see the world differently now and I’m not afraid of anything.  I’m myself in just about any given situation.  I will always encourage my daughter to be herself and change for no one.  How can I instill that within her, but not practice what I preach.  Granted, I have to be patient and I have to be considerate.  There may be things going on in a person’s life that I don’t know about; more than likely because it’s none of my damn business.  They may not have time to return a text from a silly boy trying to score a date.  But at the same time I refuse to be something that I’m not.  I’m excited; I want to get out and meet new people.  I’m not into playing the games and making sure that I’m not coming across as a weirdo.  I think it’s important to know who you are.  If you know who you are, you’ll know when you’ve said or done something out of character and moved a little too fast.  Other than that; you just have to wait for life to happen.  There are too many pre-conceived notions, rules and regulations to follow that I just can no longer keep up with them and at the same time, maintain my sanity.  I haven’t given up on dating, but I’m fairly confident that I have a life, so there should be a thing or two to keep me occupied while I wait; like finish digging the pit in my basement, restocking on duck tape and lotion, and deciding what color lipstick I’ll be wearing tonight.  So much to do….so much to do.