English Comp.
Journal #3
“Proud Mom ent”
This may be the most personal journal entry thus far, but if I were to dance around the issue and bend the truth by choosing another, less meaningful moment, my prose would lack the passion that fuels the fire in my writing. Consequently, I must detail a time in my life when fear, confusion and sadness were never more prevalent. When you think you have found a safe, dark cave to hide you from the horrors this world has to offer, that’s when the world taps you on the shoulder and whispers in your ear; “I see you”. Some choose to run and some choose to delve deeper into darkness. As for me, I choose to step out into the world and say; “you have seen me in darkness, but never in the light.”
To find real love in this world is like finding a needle in a haystack, but to lose it feels like finding a piece of hay in a stack of needles. A life is built stone by stone until you are the king of a castle mortared by your past, present and future. The treasures of the world lay at your feet. With mountains of gold to gaze upon, they pale in comparison to the diamond at your side. As king of the castle your responsibilities are endless. Consequently, the burdens which you are to bare crush your soul and distract your eyes from the beauty of the diamond. As you slowly slip into the pits of despair, you reach for the diamond only to watch it turn away. The mortar of past, present and future turn to sand. The castle walls give way and crumble to the ground. The stones become your tomb and the darkness becomes your only friend.
With only the darkness to keep you company, the memories of a life you once had echo through the tomb and your only thoughts are of the mistakes born of your impatience. The guilt spills from your eyes, forming a puddle of sadness in which to bathe. You’ve only enough strength to grasp your heart with your hands to keep it from falling apart. After much suffering, an unfamiliar sight begins to pierce through the darkness. As you lay motionless, a thin ray of light peeks through a fracture in the tomb. Day by day it grows brighter until the wall that once was your solitude disappears and becomes a doorway to a world long forgotten.
The light represents the fear of the unknown. Betrayal, guilt and rebuke begin to burn your skin. As you unclasp your hands from your heart to crawl further into the tomb, you realize that your heart remains intact. It beats stronger than ever, pushing the blood of determination through your veins. Overcome with hope, love and will power, you make the ultimate decision to face your fears. Empowered with the strength of ten men, you thrust your body into the light, breathe in the air of forgiveness and exhale all regret. You are once again the man searching for a needle in the haystack. You are an artist and the world is your canvas. You are a writer and the words written in your heart proclaim, “Who you are is not the mistakes of your past, but the choices you make for your future.” You have been reborn. Taking your first steps into the world, your confidence begins to lay the foundation for your new life. Who you are is emboldened by the fear you were able to overcome. You comprehend life’s trials as you never have before.
Horrible events occur and all one can do is accept the reality that life isn’t always a beautiful painting. Keep faith, for on the opposite end of the spectrum, artistry is a tool for the imagination. The hand of an artist is able to articulate fear and sadness, but also evoke hope and joy with the rare ability to create a world that is the furthest away from reality. Indulge in fiction. Be the emblamitcal abstract of your masterpiece. Overcome your fears and open up your heart for all to see.
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