Tis A New Day

Well, it’s been quite some time since my last blog.  I’ve been busy.  Let’s sum it up by saying…I’ve been “living”.  It’s difficult to let go of a past.  It’s difficult to let go of things that you’re used to, things that you’re comfortable with.  I think the process begins with stepping out of your past.  It’s easy to focus on what you could’ve done or what you should’ve done.  You can be so terrified of moving on to something that can be considered a risk when you’ve built a nice little comfortable box of guilt and sadness.  As horrible as you may feel, that little box is safe because you know what to expect each day.  You can hang onto memories and feelings that are derived from your past.  I’m here to tell you that it’s not healthy.  There’s so much more out there and there are better people in this world.  You have to step out of that box, as scary as it may be, and find those people.  Most of the time those people will find you.  Once you begin to interact with those people and believe in the good things they have to say about you, confidence begins to build within you and you’re then able to stand on the outside of your past and peer in.  You can see that things were not the way they should’ve been, the life you were living wasn’t for you, and you weren’t appreciated for who you were.  Believe it or not, there are people in this world that want absolutely nothing from you other than who you are.  Who you are brings out the best in them.  They appreciate your personality and are intrigued by your talents.  They’re not interested in what you can do for them.  They don’t need you to solve their problems or make life easier for them.  They simply enjoy your company and how you make them feel about themselves.  Now, this isn’t an easy process.  The past will linger for a while.  I tend to expect certain reactions from a person in particular situations based on how those scenarios “went down” in my past.  I tend to feel as though I need to solve problems, provide a plan of action, money, fancy dinners, etc…  I actually have to stop myself and say, “Stephen, this person doesn’t want that from you.  It’s a new day.”  It gets easier because the feeling of a huge weight being lifted off your shoulders begins to take over and your line of thinking changes.  This allows you to just be you within any given situation, and that’s all the other person wants from you.  There are a lot of people in this world that just want you to take all of their problems away, and as long as you can provide that service for them, they’ll keep you around.  To whoever may be reading this, avoid that situation.  You’re worth so much more than that.  It’s not easy becoming comfortable with someone new, but give it your best shot.  It may take a while, but you’ll become a happier person, and your personality will grow by leaps and bounds.  Surround yourself with people that appreciate you and love who you are.  You’ll begin to exude wonderful things that are within you that you never knew existed.    

Curse

I have every reason why I should love you

I have every reason why I shouldn’t love you

But at the end of each logical thought there’s one emotion

Love

Love that I have for you

I can neither forgive myself

Or offer you an apology for

This love that stands alone in my heart

It is a mountain that cannot be moved

A truth that must be told

A love without reciprocation becomes a curse

Fire

Boy meets girl, flowers decorate her wrist.

Shroud of pink, all heart painted lips.

He smiles wide and stares into blue.

Little did they know it was the beginning of something new.

The night ends without falter.

He returns the gypsy’s daughter.

Memories fill the room, eyes begin to close.

Will they see each other again, who would know?

Slowly he turns and walks away.

Nothing left to say.

Leaves her there

With fire in her hair.

Four years pass.

Oh how time travels so fast.

He serves his people well.

His turn to escape hell.

Destiny proves its worth, love finds its home.

Life’s not meant to be lived all alone.

Lightning strikes twice, he’s weathered the storm.

He finds what he’s never had before.

Patiently waiting, doors open for her.

Content in his heart, has not the words.

All eyes on her, repose fills the air.

Falling in love with fire in her hair.

And so the story goes,

The wedding bells sing.

His soul is her castle

And she is the queen.

Gently presses all heart painted lips

And over and over for love, he trips.

Hand in hand, waves crash to the shore.

Friendship is the boat and love is the oar.

Sand under their feet, without a care.

Boy falls in love with fire in her hair…

Fire in her hair…..

Forgiven

Stephen Griffin

Creative Writing 2001

5/22/11

Sonnet

Forgiven

Oh Love, where is it that you’ve hidden thyself?

Are you lurking within the shadows of my soul?

I declare your sins forgiven, so that faith may take hold

To keep you from falling and save you from your hell.

Love, there is no greater truth than the lie you have told.

But guilt can no longer be a thorn in your side.

For reality has fatally wounded your pride,

Casting the mistakes of your past out into the cold.

Love, dare to live your life once more.

Let freedom from guilt embrace you in content.

Find solace in the sound of her voice and accept the compliment.

Not all are full of distain, but overflowing with joy, for smiles are not a chore.

Turn thy back to the past and receive forgiveness from above.

The time has come for you to begin a new, Love.

Kicking Stones

He walks to and fro

Kicking stones and walking slow

Exhale breath to smoke

Covered within the snow

Troubled by the world

The day’s events unfurled

Nothing east to west

Burdens weigh heavy on his chest

Dispatch riders post with news

Toes frostbitten…weary shoes

Read my fate and pierce my ears

Tell me of my worst fears

Memories left far behind

Ashes from the fire float in mind

A cause worthy of his blood

Passes in time, washed away by floods

Truth is but a myth

Such as true loves first kiss

So he walks, his path unknown

Walking slow, kicking stones

Far from home, unwritten path

Sing to me a song from my past

Hear the wind pass by the years

Pick up your purpose, propose a cheer

For this life is over…..

The Ginger

I value genuineness and honesty.  I do my best to surround myself with people that maintain these rare qualities.  These people will never know how much they’ve helped me get through tough times in my life.  Many people can say they have a lot of friends, but very few can say they have true friends.  Quality over quantity would apply in this aspect.  My friends have helped build me up from nothing recently, and they’ve done it without even being aware that they were doing it.  They were simply being who they were, genuine and honest.

  One of my closest friends gave me a simple piece of advice (given in her own unique way, of couse.) in an e-mail she sent to me a while back.  I’ve read over it a couple times, but sometimes it takes a while to let words sink in.  Well, her words finally hit home over the last couple of days.  I don’t get to talk to this friend much anymore.  Hopefully, that’ll change one day.  I miss that ginger.

  Here’s what she wrote to me:

“YOU will find the perfect girl when it’s time to find that girl. You have a lot to offer, but you need to be looking for someone that has something to offer you. Someone that has what you need. Just don’t be afraid to make mistakes, you know. Just dating girls for the sake of getting out there is not a bad thing. I mean keep your pants on and all….. I’m not telling you to start walking the streets, but play the field in a healthy way. Take control of your love life back.  I think that would help me if I was in your shoes.”

You're Not Very Nice

Stephen Griffin
English Comp.
5/3/11
Descriptive Essay
                                                You’re Not Very Nice

  “This is going to be a relaxing evening.  I’ve worked hard today, I made my contribution to society and now it’s time to enjoy some ‘me’ time“, I tell myself as I pace up and down the aisles of my local supermarket.  “I’m feeling fat today.  Pizza, beer and ice-cream should suffice,” repeats over and over again in my head as a decision for this evenings’ food consumption is made.  The feeling of anxiety slowly fades, calm soothes my nerves and tranquility cradles me like a baby.  Thumb in mouth, I approach the checkout lane.  I’m completely exhausted, but the thought of crashing on my couch with the most unhealthy meal that I could possibly conjure up within my grasp, provides just a hint of a spark to get me through this checkout line, into my car and finally, home.  “Nothing will stand in my way!” I proclaim as I make my way to the checkout lane, balancing my ice-cream and pizza in one hand and my six-pack of delicious beer in the other (Wait!  How am I sucking my thumb?).  But then I meet “HER”; the most dreadful being on the planet, the supermarket checkout woman (Oh….the horror!).

  I love everyone in my own way, but some people I choose to love from a distance.  My standard of distance required for this beast of a cashier would be: her wallowing in self-loathing in China and me re-establishing my existence as a genuinely happy guy in the United States.  Now, think of the most hideous, depressing voice imaginable (perhaps that of a dog that has just been hit by a semi-truck) and the face of a woman that has been in the worst possible relationship imaginable for a multitude of years (“Why do you put up with that jerk?!”  “Cuz I luv he-im…...!”).  You can smell the mental and emotional defeat emitting from her disregard for the letter J and his two friends O and Y.  I’m not perfect and I have to be honest here; I want to go home.  I’m tired.  I want my pizza and ice-cream for goodness sakes.  Judge me if you dare.  But I digress.  If I were to allow this woman to continue on one more minute of her day like this and consequently subject my fellow consumers to this bundle of joy standing before me, I would be held, without bail, charged with the crime of being a hypocrite.  Something must be done.  Perhaps, I am the one for the job.

  “How….are…you…..”?(dog hit by semi-truck voice.)
 
“Well, ma’am, I’m doing pretty good today.  How about yourself”? (convincingly enthusiastic in my delivery of statements, if I say so myself.)

  [Silence]

    The woman says nothing to me.  The thought “You’re not very nice!” attempts to escape my mouth.  I refuse to give up though.  Now it’s a challenge.

“Ma’am, has anyone told you that your hair looks exceptionally well today?  Are those highlights?  I’m not bombarding her with blandishments.  I’m simply acknowledging something that has possibly escaped the notice of anyone to come into contact with her throughout her day of scanning and bagging.

  At this point her eyelids open slightly, her nostrils flare a tinge and the skin on her face tightens in preparation for a smile, yet she’s hesitant.  I believe that under the scales of every distant façade, is a beautiful personality.  Sometimes they just need a little help finding it.  I know that I’m getting somewhere with her.

  Laughter heals all wounds, right?
 
“It’s been so hot outside lately.”

 “Yes sir.  It has.”

  “I took my daughter to the pool yesterday and she decided that once we were done swimming, she needed to pull down the bottom of her little bathing suit, putting her tiny butt on display for everyone trying to enjoy a non-nude day at the pool.”  The cashier laughs.  I continue.  “So I said, ‘Ryan, you can’t do that, girlie!’ as I was quickly pulling up her bathing suit.  You know what she tells me?  She says, ‘Bet they didn’t see that one comin!’”  The cashier laughs and as she laughs a smile breaks through her sadness and depression.  The laughter is healing her.  She probably hasn’t laughed all day.

  The once dreadful being continues to laugh as she finishes scanning my melting ice-cream, thawing pizza and luke-warm beer.  She places the items into a bag and with a smile on her face says to me, “Sir, you have a wonderful day.”  Her entire demeanor changed in just a matter of minutes.  I was happy to see her happy.

  We all think that we couldn’t possibly have an impact on someone’s life.  Oh how wrong we are.  We all have time within our day to improve the quality of life.  Someone reading this might find that statement a bit dramatic.  Maybe it is.  But I have found it to be self-fulfilling.  To know that I can be directly involved in changing the tone of someone’s day makes me feel good.  It’s addicting and it’s not anything that has to be forced.  I only need to be “me”.  You may think that if someone is obviously in a bad mood that the proper way to handle the situation is to just move on as quickly as possible.  You might feel like you lack what it takes to improve their day.  I encourage you to find your confidence.   Confidence within your self will exude onto others.  That confidence combined with a kind personality has the power to heal people that come across your path day after day.  We all seek love.  Love is always found in selflessness.