Conklin the Turtle

                                                              Conklin the Turtle

  Deep within the Dalton Forest was a small pond that Conklin the Turtle called his home.  With droopy, red eyes, dark green, baggy skin, tiny, little legs and a shell just large enough to hide in anytime he became frightened; Conklin was the smallest turtle living in the pond.  Conklin was a very shy turtle.  He didn’t have very many friends, but all the other animals that lived in and around the pond knew him by name.  Conklin spent most of his days hiding.  For the most part, Conklin was perfectly happy enjoying the peace and quiet that surrounded the pond.  Nothing really exciting ever happened at the pond, and Conklin was just fine with that.  But little did Conklin know that one day he would have to come out of his shell.

  It was a hot summer day in Dalton Forest.  The trees stood still as there was no wind to sway their branches.  The cattails that grew at the water’s edge stood perfectly upright as there was no breeze to bend them.  All was quiet; just the way Conklin liked it.  On that hot summer day Conklin swam along the edge of the shore chasing the tiny bugs that skimmed across the top of the water as he made his way to his favorite spot in the pond.  Conklin liked to hide in the cattails that grew at the south end of the pond.  As I said, Conklin was a very shy turtle.  Although Conklin was very shy, he did have one friend; Cam the Cricket.  Cam the Cricket lived in the cattails that grew at the south end of the pond.  While Conklin would spend his days swimming underwater and chasing bugs much, much smaller than he; Cam the Cricket spent his days hiding from the Bully Birds that hovered above the pond day after day, just waiting to swoop in and have him for a tasty meal.  Cam the Cricket didn’t like the thought of being eaten by the Bully Birds, so he stayed well hidden in the cattails; never venturing out.  Conklin and Cam the Cricket would talk about anything they could think of while they found shade from the sun in the thick growth of cattails.  One of the things they would often talk about was another turtle that also called the pond her home; Myrtle the Turtle.

  Myrtle made her home under the branches of a willow tree that fell like a curtain over the edge of the pond.  Conklin thought Myrtle was the most beautiful turtle he had even laid eyes on.  The cattails that Conklin and Cam the Cricket would hide in were no more than a few turtle shells away from Myrtle’s home.  Conklin would watch Myrtle swim through the thin branches of the willow tree and notice the sparkles formed by the sunlight in the tiny puddles of water that filled the small contours of her checkered shell.  He would listen to the most beautiful voice in all of Dalton Forest sing turtle songs as she went about her day swimming through the cascading branches of the willow tree.  Cam the Cricket would always encourage Conklin to swim over to the willow tree to say hello to Myrtle.  But Conklin, who was a very shy turtle, never could muster up the courage to swim over to the willow tree.  He was in love with Myrtle, but too afraid to tell her.  So there he would sit; hiding in the cattails with his friend, Cam the Cricket.

  As Conklin and Cam the Cricket talked of adventures they would one day share, they began to hear splashes in the water.  Conklin immediately recognized the sound and knew it could only be Allister the Alligator.  All the animals that lived in and around the pond knew the sound of Allister the Alligator.  Most alligators that lived in other ponds throughout Dalton Forest were quiet and hardly ever seen by the other animals.  But Allister the Alligator was the clumsiest alligator in the forest.  He had short, stubby legs, slimy, green fungus slathered all over his back and hideous warts that grew on his snout.  He had little, beady eyes that didn’t work very well.  Allister the Alligator couldn’t see Stanley the Stork even if he stood only two turtle shells in front of him.  Whenever Allister the Alligator thought he had an easy meal he would hurl himself down the bank of the pond and belly flop into the water.  He never could catch any of the animals by surprise.  He was an oaf of an alligator.  But on this day something was different. 

  As Conklin and Cam the Cricket hid within the growth of cattails waiting to hear the splashes from Allister the Alligator’s tail clumsily sloshing around in the water as it usually did, they became alarmed.  This time they didn’t hear anything.  It had become completely silent.  Conklin and Cam the Cricket knew that the splashes they heard could only be Allister.  But where had he gone?  A few moments would pass by and Conklin and Cam the Cricket would sink a little further into the growth of cattails; returning to their talks of epic adventures.  As Conklin began to tell his next epic adventure, he heard a scream.  He recognized the scream.  He turned and faced the willow tree to see Myrtle in the jaws of Allister the Alligator.  Myrtle’s beautiful voice had turned into terrifying screams as Allister the Alligator chewed and chewed on Myrtle’s shell with his dull, crooked teeth.  How the clumsy alligator surprised Myrtle; Conklin didn’t know.  But Conklin knew he had to do something.  But what could a shy, droopy eyed, tiny, little legged turtle possibly do?  Conklin couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to see Myrtle swim through the willow branches anymore.  He couldn’t lose the sound of her beautiful voice singing turtle songs throughout the day.  Conklin couldn’t bear to think of not being able to one day swim over to the willow tree just say hello to the most beautiful turtle in all of Dalton Forest.  Conklin yelled for Cam the Cricket to come with him, but Cam the Cricket was just too scared.  Cam the Cricket would stay behind within the safety of the cattails.  However, Conklin couldn’t stand by and watch Myrtle be eaten by Allister the Alligator.  Conklin knew it was time for him to come out of his shell.  Conklin had a plan.

  Conklin raced over to Benson the Beaver’s house.  He frantically knocked on the door, hoping with all of his little turtle heart that Benson was home and not off in the forest cutting down trees.  Benson swung open the door and implored Conklin to provide an explanation as to why he was pounding on the front door of his house.  Conklin told Benson what was happening and begged for his help.  Benson the Beaver was Myrtle’s friend and he too couldn’t stand the thought of her not being around the pond anymore.  Conklin told Benson the Beaver of his plan.  They both frantically swam all over the pond in search for Stanley the Stork.  Luckily, they found Stanley hunting for fish near by.  They swam over and filled Stanley the Stork in on the plan.  Stanley was more than happy to help.  Conklin had a plan and all the friends he needed to help him rescue Myrtle.

  Conklin swam over to the willow tree as fast as his tiny, little legs could swim.  Allister the Alligator was still chewing away at Myrtle’s shell.  Conklin knew that even though Allister was an oaf of an Alligator, it would only be a matter of time before his dull, crooked teeth cracked Myrtle’s beautiful, checkered shell.  Conklin, the once shy turtle, sprang into action.  He swam over to Allister the Alligator’s tail that was thrashing around in the water and with all of his might, bit down.  Allister the Alligator let out a scream that could be heard all throughout Dalton Forest; releasing Myrtle from his powerful jaws.  By that time Stanley the Stork had picked up Benson the Beaver and flown him to a large branch of the willow tree that reached out over the pond; a branch that just so happen to be hanging right above Allister the Alligator’s wart covered snout.  Benson the Beaver had just a few more chews to go and the branch would’ve fallen right on the snout of Allister the Alligator.  As Conklin refused to let go of Allister the Alligator’s tail, Allister made a last attempt to shake Conklin loose.  In all Allister’s thrashing about, he slammed himself against the willow tree; knocking Benson the Beaver off of the branch with still one bite left to take out of the branch.  The branch had not fallen.  With one last thrust of his tail, Allister the Alligator was finally able to shake Conklin loose.  Conklin saw that the branch had not yet fallen.  Allister the Alligator was very angry with Conklin.  Conklin was exhausted and could barely move.  It seemed as though Conklin’s plan had failed.  But all of the sudden, Conklin looked up in the tree and saw Cam the Cricket.  Cam the Cricket had come out of the cattails to help his friends.  Cam the Cricket hopped from one branch to another until he finally reached the branch that needed just a little more weight to help it fall.  Cam the Cricket, who thought of himself as too small to do anything, suddenly became confident, strong and very brave.  He jumped up and down on the branch as hard as he could.  As he kept jumping up and down on the branch, Allister the Alligator was getting much closer to Conklin, who just didn’t have the strength to move.  Cam the Cricket just wouldn’t give up.  He took a deep breath and made one final jump.  With all of his strength, he jumped into the air and came down throwing his whole body onto the branch.  The branch snapped and fell directly onto Allister the Alligator’s wart covered snout; knocking him to the ground.  The plan had worked thanks to Cam the Cricket.  From then on, Cam the Cricket would be known as, “Cam the Brave Cricket”.    Just as Conklin’s eyes began to close, he heard Myrtle’s voice.  She swam over to Conklin and pulled him to the shore.  The last thing Conklin saw before his eyes closed was Myrtle’s beautiful smile.

  Later that day Conklin would open his eyes to find himself beneath the willow tree.  Again, he heard Myrtle’s voice as she asked if he was feeling better.  He quickly nodded his head, yes.  He wondered where Allister the Alligator had gone.  Myrtle told him that Ryan and Gavin, the bear twins, had already carried him off to another part of Dalton Forest.  Myrtle told Conklin how thankful she was for Conklin saving her and asked if there was anything she could do to repay him.  Conklin loved Myrtle with all of his little turtle heart and didn’t need to be repaid.  Conklin told Myrtle that he just knew it was the right thing to do.  Myrtle told Conklin that there had to be some way that she could show how thankful she was.  Conklin could think of only one thing; the sound of the most beautiful voice in all of Dalton Forest.  So on that hot summer day, Conklin and Myrtle swam through the thin branches of the willow tree that cascaded over the edge of the pond as Myrtle sang turtle songs and Conklin listened with the biggest turtle smile ever smiled at the pond in Dalton Forest.  From that day on Myrtle and Conklin would be the best of friends.      

narrative essay

Stephen Griffin             

English Comp.

3/14/11

Narrative Essay

  John Thomas - a man of character and a flare for the dramatic patiently awaits his moment in time.  Lonely nights at the local pub serve as the back drop for a typical evening.  Cigarette smoke, laughter and the sound of bottles crashing together in the proposal of cheers fills the air.  “What’ll it be Johnny?  The usual?” asks Lenny the bartender with the unmistakable Boston accent; the closest possibility of a friend that John has.  John Thomas – a man of character, places his elbows on the bar, buries his face in his hands, using his palms to wipe away the shame pouring from his eyes replies, “How about a second chance, Lenny?”  “Sorry Johnny.  We’re fresh out of second chances around here.  All I got is a little something to help you forget the first chance ya screwed up. And I tell ya what; the first one’s on the house,” Lenny replies as he fills an empty glass to the brim with Johnny’s usual; Johnnie Walker.  John Thomas was once the proud owner of a wonderful life.  However, as life teaches us all at one point or another, all good things must come to an end.

  John Thomas had it all.  He was a family man.  He was a husband to a wife, Heather, who in the opinion of all John’s friends was the most beautiful woman in town.  His friends would say, “How’d you end up with her Johnny?  She could’ve done a lot better than you.”  “I guess I just got lucky,” John would reply with a smile on his face.  He was a father to a son, Tyler, who was the best hitter on the high school baseball team.  He was a father to a daughter, Jenny, who was at the top of her 12^th grade high school class.  John had the nicest two story house on the block; the best kept lawn and the white picket fence that never seemed to lose the look of fresh paint.  John had the typical 9 to 5; nothing special, but let’s just say he did pretty well for himself.  He had a countless number of friends who came to him for advice or just for a laugh when they needed to be cheered up.  John always had the right answer and he always knew just what to say.  Everyone looked up to John for one reason or another.  He was the envy of everyone he knew.  But what they didn’t know is that John had a demon.  Everyone has a secret, right?  Well, John had his and little did he know that one day the demon living within him, the secret that he kept close to his chest would tear him apart piece by piece. 

 

  As a boy John would spend his days traipsing through the near by woods close to his home.  You see, John’s father was an alcoholic.  When he wasn’t drinking, John’s father was a different man; kind, gentle, caring and at times, humorous.  But as we all know, alcohol can change a personality.  After a few beers, which usually began no later than lunchtime in the Thomas household, John’s father became a different person.  He became irritable, angry, and argumentative.  All of this, for some reason, would be aimed right at John.  So John would stay hidden; wondering around the woods, avoiding the inevitable clash with his father that would end with a bruise or two and subsequently a concocted adventurous story by John to tell his teacher and friends at school in an attempt to provide an explanation.  Perhaps this is how John obtained his flare for dramatics.  John never could understand why, but his mother never put a stop to any of his father’s drunken episodes.  John would spend the rest of his boyhood days hiding from his father, taking the beatings and accepting it as his reality.  John was a tough kid, but the life he lived would eventually take its toll on him.  John became depressed; falling out of the social atmosphere altogether.  Not because he was running out of epic adventures that would explain his latest injury (John had quite an imagination and his well of fiction never ran dry), but mostly because he was mentally destroyed.  He was jealous of his friends and the normal everyday existence they were allowed to live.  It was difficult for John to live a lie day in and day out.  And although he made it look easy, a demon began to form within him. 

  One day while preparing to set off on yet another day traipsing around the woods, John looked into the refrigerator.  He thought that maybe there might be a juice box and some leftovers from dinner the night before to bring along with him on the excursion.  John found what he was looking for, but the demon forming inside of him also found what he was looking for.  In the back of the refrigerator, hidden behind the milk were two cans of his father’s beer.  John didn’t know how there could be any left from the previous day as his father never left any one can with even a drops worth of alcohol unconsumed.  Nevertheless, there before him, were two cans of beer for the taking.  The refrigerator door closed with two cans of beer that were there before it was opened, gone.  John made his way out into the woods, found his usual spot under his favorite oak tree, popped open the first can of beer and tipped it back.  He hated the taste of the beer, but within minutes of consuming it, John, his demon and the beer began to form a bond.  John would eventually crack open the second beer and never look back.  That day John found his escape from depression and a way to cope with his father.  This is how John would handle the pressures of life from then on.

  John would keep his secret close to his chest all through his adolescent years.  As a kid he would collect all of his father’s empty beer cans and take them to the local corner store, taking whatever money the man behind the counter would offer him.  John wasn’t old enough to buy the beer, of course.  Now whether it was the demon doing the thinking, John himself or more or less a collaborative effort; John was very smart.  He knew how to get what he wanted and what he wanted was alcohol.  There was a bum who made his home behind the corner store.  John worked out a deal with the bum.  John would sell his father’s beer cans and have the bum buy the beer with the promise of a beer for himself.  As John grew up he soon acquired a job bagging groceries at the neighborhood grocery store.  He didn’t earn much, but John wasn’t interested in spending money on a night out with friends or dinner and a movie with a love interest.  All he wanted was a way to numb his pain.  John spent all of his money on alcohol and he was quite pleased with the beer being his only friend.  John would eventually meet a woman, get married and establish a family.  It’s hard to imagine how John kept his drinking a secret from everyone for so long, but when you’ve been in the game for as long as he had, keeping the secret had become second nature to him.  Life was good and the exterior of the life

John had built seemed ideal, but something on the inside was stirring and reaching its inevitable collapse.  All good things must come to an end.

  With all the pressures that typical family life has to offer, John was relying on alcohol to handle the stress more than he ever had before.  Stopping at the bar on the way home from work for an hour for a few Johnnie Walker’s and a chat with Lenny the bartender became two hours.  The next month John would stay for three hours and then the next day, four hours.  After a while, the harmless drink after a stressful day at work had become staying out so late that John didn’t come home for dinner; he didn’t come home to help Heather with the dishes or meet Jenny’s new boyfriend before their first date.  He didn’t come home to take Tyler to baseball practice or meet with his friends for the usual guy talk.  Lenny would ask John, “Hey, don’t you have a family to go home to?  Heather’s smokin’ hot, John.  How can you stand to be away from her for more than two minutes?  I don’t know how ya do it, John.  My ass would be sittin’ next to that pretty little lady all…day…long.”  By that point John had lost all touch with his family and friends.  The demon that had lived within him for so long had finally taken over and John was completely at his mercy.  Heather became suspicious and accused John of cheating on her.  A ridiculous theory from John’s point of view; but what else was she to think?  Heather would ask where he had been that night, but John would, as he always had done in the past, provide some sort of adventurous story that over time became a complete farce in the mind of Heather.  She knew he was keeping a secret, so she had to guess.  Heather had become tired of John’s stories and she would no longer wait for him to come home.  Heather divorced John and took the children with her.  John was devastated, but the demon knew exactly how to take all of the pain away. 

  Four years later, John Thomas – a man of character, a man that once had it all; sits at a bar, head buried in his hands with shame pouring through his fingers, facing his reality.  Johnnie Walker provides some peace, but John knows his demon has taken over and the brutal truth that he has lost all control stares him right in the eyes.  “You spend too much time in here, Johnny,” says Lenny with his unmistakable Boston accent.  “Why don’t ya sober up and head on home.  I’ll call ya a cab.”  “That’s o.k., Lenny.  I think I’ll just walk home,” John says with a slur as he pushes himself up from the bar.  “You sure you’re o.k. there, Johnny?” asks Lenny.  Stumbling out of the door John replies, “Yeah, I’m fine Len.  I’ll take your advice and head home.  You always give good advice, Len.  I’ll see ya tomorrow.”  “Sure thing, Johnny,” replies Lenny.  John makes his way out of the door and walks around to the back of the bar where he’s laid a small piece of cardboard in between the dumpster and the wall.  As he lay down, John whispers to himself, “Home sweet home.”  John thinks of the bum that lived behind the corner store when he was a kid.  Settling in for the night John begins to hear footsteps.  Lifting his head up from the cardboard he spots a kid walk around the corner.  “Hey, mister…I need ya to do me a favor.  Can ya buy me a beer?” says the kid who looks to be only twelve.   Laughing at the irony of it all John replies, “Sure, kid.  But what’s in it for me?”

super fun time kid song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ieue92Hzt8&feature=youtube_gdata

A Letter to Ryan

A Letter to Ryan

Ryan,

  Your daddy has never been one to hide what he’s feeling or thinking.  I’m writing you this letter because I love you with all of my heart.  As to what purpose this letter will serve for you I honestly have no idea, but I know that the minute you hold back your thoughts or an urge to open up to someone, over time you will become closed off to the world and miss opportunities to be an inspiration to someone else who needs exactly what you have to offer.  I’m writing you this letter in a time that the world you live in is completely upside down.  It is a very crucial point in your life and all my focus, all of the love I have in my heart, is directed towards you.  You hold my heart in your hands.

  Ryan, I’ve thought about you every minute of every day since the first time I laid eyes on you.  I remember when I first saw you and when I first heard you cry I was absolutely terrified.  I was scared that I wasn’t going to be a good dad.  I didn’t know if I would be able to take care of you and raise you the right way.  I knew that I had done nothing in my life to deserve you.  In the hospital room I stood over you and fell in love.  I knew that there was nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for you or your mother.  I’m ashamed to admit that after you were born I was sick for days.  I couldn’t move.  This happens to your daddy when he gets nervous.  Not one of my greatest attributes.  I was so nervous because I had no idea what to do.  However, as always, your mother was a rock.  She effortlessly held you in her arms and instantly became a mother.  I remember standing by the hospital bed and staring at the two of you.  You and your mother were the most beautiful beings I had ever laid eyes on.  To be honest with you Ryan, I could not wait to get out of that hospital.  I just wanted to get you and your mommy home.  As the days passed I became more confident as a father.  I would lie down on the couch and put you on my chest.  You would fall asleep and I could feel your little heart beating.  There was no other place in this world that I would rather be.

  You’re daddy is not a perfect person Ryan.  There are many things that I will have to answer for when my life on this earth comes to an end.  There are mistakes that I’ve made that effected you and your mother directly.  I live with those mistakes daily.  Your father has a problem with being “impatient”.  I want everything to happen the way I want it to happen and when I want it to happen.  My advice to you is to “not” be this way.  Let life happen.  Be particular about what you want for your life.  As I’m writing this letter you are four years old and already your personality is off the chart.  You surprise me everyday with things that you say and with your understanding of things that are taking place that a four year old shouldn’t understand.  There will be wonderful people that want to be in your life and people that are drawn to your personality.  My favorite place to be is anywhere you are.  You bring a smile to my face when all I feel is sadness.  You give me the strength to keep going when all I want to do is give up.  You are my every reason to take my next breath. 

  Ryan, I want you to be an independent person.  I want to teach you to be tough, strong and independent, but never afraid to be vulnerable and open up your heart to people.  Being tough and strong doesn’t mean that you have to hide your emotions from the world.  It’s because you are tough and strong that you can be vulnerable.  Unfortunately, as you walk through this world you will be betrayed, you will be let down, you will be hurt and you will find sadness and pain.  To try to avoid these things will only put you in a dark place with your own thoughts and no one to turn to.  Be who you are and throw yourself into the world.  Give yourself entirely to the people you love and even to those who do not love you.  Yes, the very same people that you hold dearest to your heart may take you for granted, hurt you emotionally and betray you, but who you are is strong enough to get through it and love them anyway.  You’re heart and soul is strong enough to withstand any horrible thing this world has to offer.  Just keep breathing and find the willpower within yourself to make it to the next day.  Unfortunately, sometimes the love you give to another will not be given back, but don’t let it stop you from loving.  Your father has done this during his life and I can tell you that giving up on loving another will only bring sadness and regret.  Find joy in the act of giving love, not in what you may or may not receive from giving it.  To love someone that does not love you is true love.

  Ryan, true love is a wonderful blessing.  Most will tell you that it doesn’t exist.  Even worse, most that say they are in love are not.  I will teach you as you grow up to be able to tell the difference.  True love isn’t the bright and shiny early moments of a relationship.  In those early moments emotions are soaring, dreams are climbing and love is in the air.  All of your voids are being filled.  Those are all wonderful feelings that I pray you will get to experience one day.  I want you to embrace these emotions and let them soak into your heart, but Ryan, although those are all great feelings and I want you to allow them to take hold of you, they are not true love.  They can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship, but will they hold strong?  That is the test.  It’s a chance that you must take.  True love is when the tough times in this world enter into your relationship and through those tough times the bond remains strong.  When you have nothing but each other, there’s still no other place that you would rather be.  Who you are is more than enough for the other person.  I’m here to tell you that kind of love is abundantly available to you.  Just be patient for it and don’t get caught in the winds of the moment.  If you’re anything like your father, your emotions will react before your logic does.  It’s important to embrace all of your emotions, but it’s also important to process each emotion as they come to you.  Logical thinking is necessary, but it’s already a given with you.  Even at four years old you are thinking logically.  You search for the meaning behind everything that happens around you.  You want to know why a person feels the way they do.  You want more than a smile from a person.  Just because you’re an emotional person doesn’t mean that logic can’t be involved. Logic without emotion makes for a cold personality. 

  Fall in love Ryan, but don’t fall for love.  Who you are will attract many people.  Your personality and willingness to love will be intoxicating.  Be a real person Ryan.  The world is full of people that put on a smile and fool others into thinking that they’re just fine.  Don’t be that way because people will believe you and your lie will effect their lives as well.  Open up your heart to people and let all your fears go.  Be completely vulnerable.  Be who you are and change for no one.  The very second that you find yourself giving up who you are to fit the mold of someone else run because that’s when you are falling for love.  You want it so badly that you begin to let go of who you are and what makes you happy.  If you feel that you may be growing closer to someone, that’s good, but if in doing so you begin to bend the truth of who you are, make too many concessions, ignore personality traits that you dislike, make yourself believe something that isn’t there or accept a personality that doesn’t completely captivate you, stop and back away from that person.  You will only hurt them and yourself.  Be patient because everything that you are looking for will find you eventually.  Make sure that when you find someone that interests you that the love you give to that person is reciprocated.  Be cautious of those who only want you for what you can do for them.  You are not meant for that and if your daddy ever finds out that you are giving up who you are simply to fill the needs of someone else, well, you and I will be having a talk.  I will not allow it.  When you find true love Ryan, make sure you let that person know that you love them too.  Pride is a horrible thing.  Never be afraid to show love.    

  Although your daddy loves everyone that he’s ever known, there are people that I allowed to influence, mold and control me.  I’ll tell you why this happened.  I was too scared to be me.  I was afraid to let who I really was show.  Who I really was wasn’t what others thought I should be, what others considered normal or what others wanted for their life.  I wanted to make the right decisions in my life, I wanted everyone to like me and I wanted to make everyone happy, so I was fearful of being who I really was.  I knew I would receive a poor opinion from people I loved and maybe even lose people that I loved.  When you give up who you are, that’s when you begin to make bad decisions and lose your joy in life.  Sometimes you have to accept that your personality doesn’t fit the bill of someone else.  Don’t make the sacrifice of giving up who you are for companionship or to be accepted by people you care about.  I have to warn you, in making this decision you will have to face loneliness, but it’s in that loneliness that you find joy in yourself.  You can make yourself happy.  Establish goals for your life.  Make decisions that are beneficial to you.  Because you are who you are, people will come into your life that will rely on you for their happiness.  You will not be able to fill their every void.  Allow people in your life that are accepting of who you are, willing to stand by you and be “for you”, not just “with you”.  In doing so, you will have a more fulfilled life, trust me on that.  Do not look for any one person in this world to be the source of your happiness.  You will inevitably be let down.  People are imperfect and will make mistakes.  If you’re only with someone to make you happy and avoid your inner troubles, you are not only taking advantage of that person, but also, they will not fulfill the purpose you want them to serve.  They will for a time, but one day you will have to face your troubles on your own and I know that you will.

  Ryan, you have so many people around you that love you and want to be there for you.  You have a great mother.  She loves you as only a mother can.  Your mother is full of personality and is able to shine a light in the darkest of places.  Most of your personality comes from her.  I fell in love with her so fast.  It was something I couldn’t control.  I’ve dedicated 9 years of my life to figuring her out, but I was only able to scratch the surface.  She is someone that you will be able to turn to when you need advice and will be a shoulder to cry on when you need it.  Access what she knows and feel the love that she has for you.  She loves you with all of her heart and will always be there for you. 

  Ryan, I will do my best to protect you from all the horrible things this world has to offer until you are ready to handle them on your own, but the only promise that I can make you is that I will fail in my attempt to do so.  This world is full of jealousy, betrayal, hate, judgment, ridicule and sadness, but you are one amongst the few.  These horrible things will attack you daily, but your willingness to love, understand, accept and your unwavering strength will take whatever life throws at you and transform it into something beautiful.  Don’t try to be perfect and don’t even begin to pretend to be.  Fake people walk the earth day after day pretending to be something that they’re not.  They use people like you to shield themselves from their own fears and flaws.  You’ll spot them at the drop of a hat.  You’ll smell them from a mile away.  They’ll try to bring you down because the beautiful person that you are scares them and makes them jealous.  When you receive a hateful remark, return it with kindness, when someone tries to bring you down, rise even higher, when someone tries to put you in a box, throw yourself further into the world, when someone decides to leave your life, know that they are no longer apart of your destiny and when someone shows nothing but distain and hate, love them with all of your heart.  Allow into your life only the people that challenge you, that amplify your personality, that captivate you and that broaden your horizons.  People that provide only comfort, flattering words, simple pleasures and distraction are temporary.  Know them and care for them, but love them from a distance.  People that really love you and are beneficial to your life will tell you what you don’t want to hear and not be afraid to be honest with you even when they know you will be angry with them for it.

 

  Your daddy loves you more than you’ll ever know Ryan, but there’s only so much that I can offer you and I don’t know everything there is to know about life.  Ultimately, you will have to decide what’s best for you because your mother and I will not be able to make your decisions for you once you leave the nest.  Of course, as you grow and mature in life, we will always be here to guide you and love you, but you will be responsible for what you allow to happen in your life.  I know in my heart that you have wonderful things in store for you.  I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ll do in this life, for yourself and for others.  Take control of your life.  Be adventurous, be random. Feel excitement, love and joy.  You’re on this earth for a reason.  You have a purpose and there are no limits to what you can do.  I love you Ryan and I always will.  You hold my heart in your hands.        

Velcro Shoes

                                                                    Velcro Shoes

   Do you remember the days when society was accepting of Velcro shoes?  Sure, the Velcro shoes of that period were laden with princesses, GI Joes, Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles, but nonetheless accepted by society.  Admittedly, as we were wearing these shoes our lunches were prepared for us and placed in a lunchbox with a note from mother, “Eat your grapes, kid!”  While romping around in our Velcro shoes we may have also been throwing dirt at a friend and consequently sent to timeout for bad behavior.  “Jimmy started it mom!” Franklin said.  “I don’t care Franklin!” said Franklin’s mother.  “We don’t throw dirt.  Now go to your room!”  Franklin replied, “Yes mommy.  Stupid Jimmy.”  Well, I’m here to tell you that although Velcro shoes are but a memory, I have rediscovered them.  While I was out fishing one day, quite the debacle took place that would forever change the status of my footwear.  Be forwarned, the epic tale that lay before you is rich with effortless shoe removal, unadulterated comfort and a stunning miracle of biblical proportions.  At the end of our journey the question will be answered, “Are Velcro shoes the greatest footwear of all-time?”  Prepare to be amazed.

     

   It’s a beautiful day.  The sun is shining and a soft breeze sweeps across the lake pushing tiny ripples of water to the shore.  Sitting comfortably on my milk crate, I begin to rifle through my tackle box in search of the perfect lure. As I stand to make the first cast, I begin to slip down the muddy bank and into the water I go.  Soaking wet, I get to my feet and make my way back to shore.  My shoes, along with every article of clothing, are soaked.  I decide to remove my shoes.  With the releasing of two Velcro straps and a slight push with the opposite foot the job is done.  I repeat the same three step process for the removal of the other shoe.  I’m amazed at how easy it is to remove the shoes.  There’s no painstaking task of untying an uncooperative double knot or loosening of laces.  Very little effort is spent in the removal of my Velcro shoes.  Thusly, a mental note is made.

   Determined to salvage the day I regain my confidence and without mishap, make my first successful cast.  While enjoying being completely soaked and not receiving a single bite from a fish, I begin to peer over at my shoes that are drying in the sun.  I must admit I’m beginning to be a bit intrigued by the shoes and anxiously wait to reapply them to my feet.  I begin to experience a flashback.  To get to the lake, a reasonable distanced jaunt through a forest was necessary.  My brain began to recollect the comfort in which the shoes provided. It felt as if I were walking on clouds.  I had never enjoyed walking so much.  Now sitting barefoot on my milk crate, I’m able to look down at my feet and notice that there is not a single blister.  I don’t feel any sore muscles or irritation of any sort.  Peering at the now dry Velcro shoes, I nod as a show of respect and thankfulness for the absolute comfort that the shoes provide.

 

   As the day moves on, I begin to reach the last hour of hope to catching a fish that my patience would allow.  Once again rejoined with my Velcro shoes, I decide to travel further down the lake in hopes of finding a fish.  Not having the excitement of catching a fish, I begin to feel the loneliness of fishing alone.  While walking along the bank, I can’t help but look down at my shoes and smile.  The shoes and I began to form a bond, a friendship and a respect for one another.  “Fishing can be such a lonely venture”, I say to the shoes, “but with you guys here to support my ankles and angling skills, I’ll never be alone in the wilderness again.  We’re going to be together forever.”  Velcro shoes are such great companions. 

   As the sun begins to seek solace behind the tree line, I reach an area of the lake that seems to have promise.  I make the cast.  With the last attempt to catch a fish now below water, the winds die down and the crickets begin to sing.  Enjoying the quietness, my ears sharpen to the relaxing sounds of nature.  Although I’m quite relaxed, my patience is not.  Reeling in the line, I hear a strange noise emitting from the woods.  I hear a low growl followed by the sound of crunching leaves and the breaking of twigs.  Nervously looking down at my shoes I say, “Do you guys hear that?”  Completely paralyzed by fear, I realize the sound is getting louder and much, much closer.  Realizing my paralyzed state, the Velcro shoes strap into action.  They begin to walk me back down the bank.  Just as soon as we begin to make our way down the bank, the mysterious sound reveals itself.  To my astonishment a gigantic black bear emerges from the forest.  Immediately he spots me and does not like what he sees.  Standing up on his hind legs, he lets out a roar. 

Slamming his two front feet back on the ground, he begins to charge towards me.  Still paralyzed by fear, I move not a muscle.  Luckily, the Velcro shoes have a plan.  Quickly backing up from the edge of the water, the shoes prepare for action.  With one shoe planted before me and the other firmly pressed against the ground behind me, in unison the two explode with force and race towards the lake.  With the bear in close pursuit, I yell at the shoes, “Faster!  Go faster!  Wait!  Where the heck are we going?”  I noticed that our speed was increasing and we were only a few feet away from the water.  “Shoes, what are you doing?  Bears can swim!” I screamed.  Little did I know what was about to happen.  Bracing for an impact with the water, I close my eyes, but yet I don’t hear a splash and I don’t feel drenched or submerged.  I open my eyes and to my astonishment the shoes are running on top of the water.  Within a matter of seconds we are safely across the lake leaving the bear behind us.  I’m so happy that I decided to buy these shoes.  Not only are they comfortable and great companions, they also walk on water.  They are absolutely worth the twelve dollars that I spent.  I’m fully convinced that when Jesus walked on water, he was wearing Velcro shoes.

     Now, if you are not convinced that Velcro shoes are amazing, if my story does not provide prolific examples as to why you should purchase a pair, then I can only hope that if you are ever faced with a similar scenario such as my bear attack, that you have pre-strategized escape plans that do not require the miracles that Velcro shoes provide.  However, if I have simply only gained your slight interest in Velcro shoes, perhaps you might purchase a pair just to see if what I say is true.  If my examples have stated anything it must be the following; Velcro shoes provide less effort in shoe removal, comfort, companionship and the occasional miracle.  Velcro shoes, strap in and enjoy the ride.       

Simplicity

I have not the ability to force my life to happen as I wish.  I once had that power, but it was stripped away from me by reality. – Stephen Griffin

  I can only tell you where I’ve been, but as for my future, it remains a distant shadow that escapes the perceptions of my understanding.  The only power I have is to take the next step forward on my path to contentment, to sew the next seed in my garden of hope, and to turn the next page in my book of life.  Only my hopes, dreams, desires and imagination are able to construct a life that is unknown to me.  The horrible process of life is to let it unfold.  But if I were to close my eyes and envision my idea of a perfect life, this is the story that would be told.

  I arise from sleep with the pain of the night before storming the walls of my skull.  My eyes struggle to focus on the ceiling fan-blades barely spinning in a clockwise motion lacking the centripetal force to cause even the slightest breeze.  I study the ceiling in an attempt to keep the room from spinning.  I emerge from my bed, sitting on the edge, waiting to regain my stability.  I stumble into the kitchen, finding a single slice of bread to draw out the intoxication stewing within me.  As my thoughts of the previous night draw to a confusing conclusion, I focus on a plan to bring promise to yet another day. 

Washing the scent of smoke from my hair, I close my eyes, letting the warm water wash away my regrets.  “What will I do today”, I ask myself.  My only choice, as it has been many a day before this one, step out into the world and see what it has to offer.

  It’s a windy day in March.  The climate is at a crossroads.  The wind strikes my face and the sun provides a ray of warmth, yet a tinge of cold holds the sweat pressing to emerge from my pores at bay.  With all of my strength I make a stronghold in my mind for encouraging thoughts to work their magic, but my body feels only the pain of my past – a battle that has been fought for quite some time.  My soul is stronger than any pain that could be thrust into my chest like a spear piercing it’s enemy.  My skin carries the scars and bruises of my past, but my heart carries my love and hope for the future.  As the war forges on inside of me, I keep walking.  I find myself aimlessly walking through a park that I visit often as if somehow I’m attracted to it, as if I instinctively migrate to it or perhaps drawn there by some unknown force.  Nevertheless, I’m here and each step put forth places me further into the park, aimlessly walking and unsure of why I’m even there.

  As I tread across the plane of grass, feeling each blade fold beneath my feet, I force my eyes to look forward.  I breathe in. The fresh air glides over the river that runs parallel to the park, mingling with the leaves and limbs that cascade over the lawn.  I tighten the drums of my ears capturing the playful laughter of the passing by children carrying on their carefree lives as they should.  I notice a man and woman holding hands, unable to hide their content with one another.  Their contours connect perfectly as they sway back and forth, eyes focused on one another, oblivious to any other existence within their grasp.  Making notice of this, I place the image within the stronghold of my mind.  Admittedly, I am jealous; but excited that one day I too will meet my perfect contour.  I glance over toward the couple, divulge a hint of a smile and continue on - aimlessly.  Further into my walk I see a family.  I watch as the mother and father coral the children within the protection of their arms.  They stop and I watch as the mother removes a light blue sheet from the wicker picnic basket she carries in her hand.  She eloquently throws the sheet into the air and allows the wind to undo it’s folding while laying it seamlessly on the lawn.  They all kneel down on the sheet, smiles covering every face as the mother proceeds to unveil the contents of the wicker basket.  Sandwiches, fruit, a thermos, cups and napkins are removed and placed upon the sheet.  I watch as the happy family enjoys the beautiful bond they share that only pure love provides.  The simplicity of a sheet lain over a plane of grass, diagonally cut sandwiches, fruit and what seems to be cold apple juice provides the setting for a family’s perfect day at the park.  The troubles of the world dare not attempt to penetrate their environment of peace and tranquility.  As if I were staring into a painting, I sharpen my eyes to the contrast of colors and familiarity of solace, then tuck the image away.  I continue on - aimlessly.

  Mid day approaches and the tinge of cold that filled the morning air dissipates.  The effects of the alcohol consumed the previous night rears it’s ugly head and I begin to notice that I’m more than likely dehydrated.  I begin to make my way to a near by water fountain I noticed earlier in my walk.  I lean over the fountain and soak in the lukewarm water.  Leaning over the oasis, my head turned on it’s side, I smell a sweet perfume that attacks my senses. I open my eyes and stand at attention, captivated by the intoxicating aroma.  I inconspicuously peer in every direction in search of the source.  I make one last turn directly behind me and the mystery reveals itself.  With crystal blue eyes, skin lightly touched by the sun and golden locks of hair freefalling over the shoulders, she stands before me.  “Hello.”, she says to me.  I hesitate, captivated by her glow.  “Hi.”, I reply with a slight nervousness to my voice.  I’m oblivious to my hands hiding in my pockets and a ridiculous grin smearing across my face.  She stares back at me with a slight smirk.  “It’s a nice day outside”, I exclaim from the middle of nowhere.  “Yes. Yes it is.  It’s a gorgeous day”, she says followed by a laugh.  “Why is she laughing”, I ask myself.  Then it dawns on me; I’m standing in front of the water fountain.  “You want to use the water fountain, don’t you?”, I say with a harmless sarcastic tone.  She laughs. 

“Yes, I would”, she says.  “Well then, you have my permission”, I reply.  Effortlessly my personality, that lay dormant for what seems like ages, begins to resurface.  She is absolutely beautiful and the sound of her voice captures my heart as a web would a fly.  As she drinks the water, I kneel down to tie shoelaces that are already in double knots.  A still, small voice in my mind tells me to be patient and wait.  All logic presses me to move forward, to leave her behind.  I listen to the still, small voice.  I search for a beginning to a conversation as she wipes the excess moisture from around her peach colored lips.  “This is one of the nicest days I’ve seen in a long time.  It’s a good day to be outside”, I say to her as I struggle to exude confidence in my voice.  “It is, isn’t it?  I love windy days.  March is my favorite month”, she says as she places her hands on her hips.  “Mine too”, I exclaim; a complete falsehood to tell the truth.  I have no favorite months, but I need a foothold and perhaps the month of March is the catalyst.  “My name is Stephen”.  “Mackenzie.  Nice to meet you”, she replies as she extends her hand for a traditional introduction.  We stand in front of each other not sure of what to say, but we make conversation.  I am completely enthralled by her personality.  I’m a puppet and her every word is a string.  As the moment comes to an end it’s time to part ways.  “Well, it was very nice meeting you, Mackenzie.  Maybe I’ll see you around”?  “Sure, that would be nice”, she replies with a smile.  As we say our goodbyes and continue on our paths, I find myself walking in the same direction as she.  Laughter ensues.  “I guess we’re going the same way”, I say as I point in the direction we are both walking.  “Looks that way”, she replies with yet another laugh.  “I brought some lunch to eat.  I was planning on having a little picnic since it’s such a nice day.  I just have a little sheet I was going to put down.  You can join me if you would like.  Do you like tuna fish sandwiches”, she adds.  I lie and say, “Of course.  Who doesn’t”?  The thought of eating tuna fish turns my stomach inside out, but the promise of one more second with her sends my heart bursting through my chest.  As we walk along; blades of grass bending beneath our feet – contours begin to perfectly connect, carefree souls pass through the park as they should and the simplicity of a sheet lain over a plane of grass provides the setting for a perfect day at the park and perhaps the beginning of a wonderful future.   

  I want my life to be unwritten.  I will not subject my actions, emotions, wants, needs, fantasies and thoughts of a brighter future to a book written by another.  Their characters and plots are fallacies in my story that has yet to be told.   Their imagination is tainted with the dark alleyways and shadows used to contort my reality.  My hand will put pen to paper and my soul will be the syllable of my heart. – Stephen Griffin